I have always loved back to school since I was a child! The excitement of new outfits and a backpacks, seeing your friends, having a routine and just being social and playing. Also, school is rough. It’s different when you are a Mom. I find it harder and harder after every summer.
This year, I sent my littlest baby to 1st grade. I am so excited for her to go out and see the world. To make new friends and learn new things…but I miss her so much. I have had all last year and the summer to prepare for this, but it was not enough.
I feel so lost and lonely. No one warned me about this, they just talked about how nice it will be. I use to dream about the day when I would be able to work on house projects, craft or create new things, exercise, run errands, and even go to the bathroom without having to check in with someone. Don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying these things, but I find them as a sad reminder that I have left that era of my life behind. Maybe I am feeling a little remorse for not taking more advantage of that stage of my life while I was in it. I feel like I did, but why do I feel so sad now. Maybe this is just how life goes. Things change and we adapt.
To make things worse, or harder, she is having a rough time liking school. This morning she cried and did not want to go. I remember going through this with my second child when he was in 1st grade. It was different, because my good friend was his teacher. I knew he was in good hands as he grew and adapted to his new routine. We have since moved and I don’t know my daughters teachers like I did my son’s. I just have to have faith that they will take care of her as well as my friend did.
School is rough. This is very challenging for her, I know. Maybe even more than it is for me. I also know that we grow the most through challenging times. Having this knowledge doesn’t make it any easier when I see her tears or when I feel my heart strings being pulled. I know as I do my best and help her to do her best we will both look back one day on these these experiences and see how they have shaped us.
It may sound like I love my youngest more than the others. That is absolutely not true. I missed all 5 of my other children when they went back to school just as much. It may have felt a little easier because I had the distraction of needing to take care of another child while they were gone. I didn’t have time to think about it. And before you know it they were home again. That is not the case this time around. No distractions, like needing to keep a small child alive.
I know things will get easier for both of us, until then (and even after) I am going to cherish every moment I have with each of my children. They are growing up so fast. Too fast!